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Condom & Safe Sex Jokes

I’m a big believer in the saying that anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun off. Here’s my collection of condom and safe sex jokes, hopefully they’ll stick in your mind enough for you always to remember to have one with you!

Q: What do a shark and a condom with a hole in it have in common?

A: You don’t want to fuck with either of them!

Q: When should you wear condoms?

A: At every conceivable occasion

Q: Why can’t pencils have babies?

A: Because they have rubbers on their end

Q: How can you pick out a paranoid woman?

A: She’s the one with a condom on her vibrator

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?

A: Roll them into a tire and call it a good year!

Q: What’s the difference between condoms and coffins?

A: They’re both full of stiffs, only one’s coming while the other is going

Q: What do you call a Rock group that practices safe sex?

A: A Rubber band

Q: Why is paying your car insurance like wearing a condom?

A: They both give you a feeling of security even though you know you’re getting fucked!

Q: What do you call a two hundred foot rubber?

A: A condominium

Q: Have you ever read the small print on the bottom of a condom?

A: Oh, I see, you’ve never had to roll it down that far...

Stay safe not sorry - remember, the Caped Crusader rides again!

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