There are several issues that affect transexuals and other transgendered
people deeply and of these, self esteem and self image are tightly entwined.
I don't know about you but I spent years feeling ill at ease as a guy
and a bit of a miscreant monster minger when I did dress as a girl! And
to this day, I'm still suprised how many TGirls I meet who refuse to
acknowledge a compliment, instead insisting that they look awful. Sound
familiar? The number of men who are born looking like women is so small
that most of us will have been there at some point or other, I know I
certainly have.
There can be several reasons why we don't look good. When we first start
out crossdressing, there's lots to learn! How good are you at make up?
How good are you at grooming? Are the clothes you choose appropriate
for a person of your age and body shape? Experimenting with all these
aspects can produce drastic changes, but to say that's all there is to
the subject would fall far short of the truth.
Audrey Hepburn is quoted as saying:
"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure
that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a
woman must
be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty
in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly
gives, the passion that she shows."
Oscar Wilde once said:
"A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament. It's
beauty comes from the fact that the author is what he is.
It has
nothing to
do with the fact that other people want what they want.
Indeed, the
moment that an artist takes notice of what other people want, and
tries to supply
the demand, he ceases to be an artist, and becomes a dull or an amusing
craftsman, an honest or dishonest tradesman. He has no further claim
to be considered as an artist."
In many ways these sum up the essence of cross dressing for me. The
goal is never to appear as Britney Spears or any other beautiful woman
does; to pass as convincing to me is of little consequence. The goal
is to project the what is in the heart, to display the true art of the
soul
outwardly, to express one's "self" through whatever constrains our body
or talents may impose.
I make no attempt to conceal the masculinity within my figure as the
male form is also beautiful. It's shape, it's cut, it's angularity are
all deeply attractive qualities and yet recently I was mistaken for someone's
wife! I'm not joking! This woman came up to me as Madame JoJo's nightclub
closed and started by saying
"You have no idea how much trouble you caused tonight, darling"
I was shocked! "You what?!"
"You almost broke up my marriage of 15 years" she continued.
"Excuse me?!" I stammered
"My husband saw you chatting with that guy and blew his top - I need
you to come and say hi to him with me so he knows it's not me" she explained.
I got up and went with her. Sure enough, there was her husband, sat
the other side of the club with a face like his mother had just spanked
his bottom.
Being attractive isn't about hiding your masculinity at all, it's about
knowing what works on your form and making the most of what you've got.
I've had so many dressing mistakes and the one thing I can say has truly
helped me is the camera! Nowdays I have years of photographs of myself.
From the earliest times I ever let myself be photographed:
...to when I started to become less of a masculine characterisation
of a woman and just let it flow:
...through to times when I thought that feminity was
best expressed through the heights of decadent glamour:
...to the times when the boy within the girl within the
boy broke back through:
...which turned into the lesbian rocker goth phase:
...and back into the girly boy next door:
...and was interspersed with moments of pure homoerotic
power bitch:
...slutty moments where I explored my sexuality through
my image:
...and the times when I just went crazy!
...and the times I was just plain weird
Can I be honest with you? Nowdays I can't stand half of
the looks I've done! But I'm glad I have them all recorded. Hugh Hefner
says "A life worth living is a life worth recording" and not only do
I agree with that, I beleive I, like every other TGirl out there, has
a life worth living. I dressed for years before I started to even entertain
the idea that I might even vaguely look like a girl of any sorts. And
the single biggest catalyst in that was having lots of photographs. I
showed them to other TGirls as well as friends and they'd tell me how
I could improve my look as well as when I looked feminine and when I
looked like a male stereotype of a woman.
Sharing photos is a safe way
of being out to people, even when you don't know them face to face
and many of the most popular TGirls in my transgender
profiles area have
many pictures posted. And nothing will improve your self esteem and
negative body image like being out. We have to live with who we are.
It's as simple as that. The quicker you get used to the way you look,
accept it and learn to love it for what it is, warts and all, the sooner
you'll be able to start expressing all the many parts of your personality
and enjoying your life as a transgender.
...continued in Transexual Pictures Part 2
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